Education and Background

My past employment and education has given me invaluable experiences that have greatly informed my current practice.  Prior to my work as a psychotherapist, I was employed in the human services field for over 10 years.  While in school for my Bachelors of Psychology at the University of Colorado, I provided at home care to the elderly which helped me learn and accept different facets of the aging and end of life processes.  This is inclusive of managing chronic illness, negotiating changing family dynamics, the "u-bend of happiness", as well as grief and loss.   

I later worked many years as a residential counselor to both emotionally disturbed youth and adults with developmental disabilities. This work was the greatest educator in the importance of hope, group dynamics, conflict resolution, as well as the early impact of trauma and its later consequences.  I also have experience as group facilitator for adults with mental illness and children in the foster care system.  

I received my Masters in Social Work at Silberman School of Social Work at Hunter College where I focused in individual work with children and families. Hunter's focus on social justice, empowering each client, and working from a holistic, strengths based perspective is a cornerstone of my current practice.

Three years of clinical supervision at psychoanalytically based Washington Square Institute, deeply influenced my practice to contain elements of psycho-dynamic psychotherapy and the importance of exploring early life attachments.  I also have been influenced by Buddhist Psychology and implement mindfulness techniques in my own life as well as in my practice. Lastly, EMDR has transformed the way I focus on trauma treatment, and is the most helpful tool I have learned in processing past traumas.

The most essential tool I have cultivated from all of my experiences, past and present, came from witnessing the amazing capacity for love, resiliency, and healing in spite of a multitude of personal, cultural, and economic struggles.  I have learned that mutual support, care, cultural humility, authentic non-violent communication, and deep understanding are essential in times of great stress.  I strive to provide the best services I can to you during your healing process, and I look forward to learning from one another.

Self Love and Self Compassion

For a few months I have been thinking about the role of self love and self compassion in our healing. I think it is because it is something that I have struggled with myself and I see many of my clients struggle with allowing space to have self compassion. My parents instilled the value of being of service to others was always put above ones needs. I was taught rest was ok only if one was physically ill and being reliable, punctual, hardworking, kind, generous and polite was always the goal. While I still see all these qualities as positive, the pressure to be these things all the time created a lot of anxiety within me, as well as a judgmental attitude toward myself or others that also did not uphold these values in their daily actions. I feel a lot of remorse for being in the world in this way.

It also made me disconnect from my own needs, so much so that at times I wouldn’t even know what I needed but I knew I was tired and upset, but unsure of why. Living in this way lead to burn out and confusion. I also believe that moving through the world with anxiety, tension, and judgement negatively impacts those around us. Sometimes, the regret I feel can be overpowering, and I wonder how can I be kind to myself even when I don’t like myself or I don’t like my behavior.

One of the first practices that truly helped me was The Mindful Self-Compassion Workbook by Kristen Neff and Christopher Germer. The kind and gentle approach it took toward ones needs, noticing how emotions felt in the body, and showing gratitude for oneself, even the difficult parts of ourself, was revolutionary to me. It helped me slow down and notice how gentle and kind one has to be with oneself for healing to take place.

Then, a week or so ago, I stumbled upon a video interviewing a man who had been in prison for taking another’s life when he was 15 years old, and how he had to learn self love while imprisoned. The idea needing self love even when do something truly harmful, when our whole life seems defined by our worst moment, and how it is still necessary to respect ourselves in order to be of service to the world, really transformed my thoughts about healing, purpose, and how we can achieve what we wish to become. All our actions, big and small, impact the world. Our small moments of self love and gratitude impact more than just ourselves, and allow us to become the humans that we long to be. It is the inverse from how I originally learned how to live, but the hoped for outcome is the same.

I deeply appreciated JJs honesty and vulnerability, and I am so grateful for finding his story. I am thankful for his openness, and it has enabled me to be vulnerable in this post. I hope this has been a helpful and relatable post. Sending love and respect to any readers.

Traumatization and its Aftermath

I hope everyone is enjoying the final days of summer!

Traumatization and its Aftermath by Antoinetta Contreras (a mentor and supervisor) is a fantastic resource for therapists or anyone seeking a deep understanding of trauma and how to treat it. I have found it easy to read and a comprehensive understanding of how trauma impacts the development and functioning of our brains. It also gives information what is trauma and what is not, how it impacts our functioning in the world, and what we can do about the wounds we sustain through our lifetime. I highly recommend!

Summer Vacation Days and Availability

Hello to all! Just as a heads up, I am out of the office June 29- July 10, as well as August 17 and 18th. I will have access to email and phone, but please allow for a longer response time than usual. As always, if you are in crisis, please call 911 or go to your nearest emergency room.

Other services:

Suicide and Crisis lifeline, text or call 988

National Domestic Violence Call Line 1-800-799-7233

SAMSA National Hotline (substance abuse and addiction referral) 1-800-622-HELP (4357)

Recognize, Allow, Investigate, and Nuture

If you have ever had racing thoughts, or are feeling frustrated because you cannot get something out of your head, this is a great resource for helping ourselves to being accepting toward all parts of ourselves. Connecting to our sense of our body can really help with moving away from being caught up in our thoughts/minds. Hope this provides some rest and relaxation. :)

EMDR (eye movement desensitization and reprocessing) for PTSD

One of the best methods for processing trauma is EMDR.

I completed an EMDR training via the Institute for Contemporary Psychotherapy and found it to be so helpful for myself and I look forward to helping others utilizing this therapeutic technique. Below is a video that explains how this therapy technique works. If you need additional information about this treatment, emdria.org is another valuable resource but I am also happy to discuss! Feel free to reach out at any time.

Wishing you all a safe and happy holiday season!

COVID UPDATE: Still Telehealth but hopefully reopening this summer

Hello Existing and Prospective Clients

I hope all are well and staying safe. Here is a brief update:

At the moment, I am at capacity and no longer taking on new clients. Feel free to reach out and I can add you to my waitlist, and make sure to let me know days/times you are looking to meet.

My plan is to reopen the office for face to face sessions sometime this summer, but I am waiting until we are at least in the Green Phase of reopening for Monroe County. From what I have read, it seems that being in enclosed spaces has the highest liklihood of contracting the virus, which could make the office a difficult place to meet safely. I will continue to read the news to ensure the safety of all clients and their families, and this will be the deciding factor in meeting in person.

If you are sick, immune compromised, or would rather not meet in person, telehealth will continue to be an option, even if I have reopened the office.

Wishing you all the best. Take Care!

Caroline

COVID19 Update: Telehealth Sessions Only

To all reading this blog, I am now providing telehealth sessions until at least April 1st. At that date I will reassess the safety of returning to work in the office. All the insurances that I take are accepting telehealth sessions, so most likely it will be covered. As always, please check with your insurance to confirm this information. Lastly, be safe and take care of yourselves. I am here to support you in whatever way I can. Wishing you and your family safety, health, wellness, and happiness.

Interdependence

Since ending my maternity leave, I have been trying to synthesize diffierent ideas for a post, something that is valuable to myself and those who happen upon this blog. In addition to mounting anxieties since becoming a parent, a major escalating concern of mine is about the future of the world for my son, given the state of the environment. Although I largely write about human interaction and emotional/behavioral health topics (given the nature of my work) I have come to realize that the way we treat ourselves and others is not mutally exclusive from how we treat/see the world; they are interdependent. Simply put, we all need the earth to live, and without it means our exsitinction.

I think we are all aware of how dire the circumstances have become (fires in the Amazon, plastic in all the sea salt we consume, bigger hurricanes, etc.). I feel overwhelmedby how much effort is required to make a change. Although I do what I can to reduce, reuse, and recycle, my efforts often feel like a drop in the bucket, and this can be very defeating. I do not feel that I am alone in this sense of hopelessness, yet, without sounding to preachy, this is an emergency situation. Although this video has already been widely shared, I wanted to include Greta Thurnberg’s passionate speech at the UN because it encapsulates how horrible this issue truly is, and the kind of passion and urgency needed to effectively address the issue.

The fact that things are not changing as fast as is necessary for our species to survive has led me to wonder why do some resist and deny the reality of the situation? Selfishness, greed, and apathy are at the root of the cause, as Thurnberg touches on in her speech, but this is not a novel concept. We all participate by having values and ideas about what we need in order to be fufilled, happy, and “enough”. Lynne Twist in the Soul Of Money speaks about the scarity mindset, and how even those with so much money have a “poverty of soul” which leads to a constant search for more, even at the cost of others/the environment.

Feeling not enough is intimately connected to shame (check out an earlier blog post about relinquishing shame), and when we are ashamed, often times the impulse is to hide or suppress whatever is causing our shame. Being in hiding, emotionally or otherwise, is a constricted place to exist. Feeling closed off, albeit a self-protective stance, leads us to not be aware of our resources (both inner and external), but also it gives us blinders not fully see how we are interacting with the world around us. A one track focus is helpful for reaching a goal, but excludes other options or only allows us to see one part of the picture of what acheiving this goal truly means.

I am not explaining this as en effort to elict sympathy for those that are major contributors to why exploitation of our earth exists. I only bring this up to show that even with everything they may possess, they are not necessarily happy, and they are definetely not free. Their greed has created a disaster because they are bound to keep others down and in search of the “fantasy of endless economic growth”, constantly vigilent about maintaining the grip they hold on others and the world.

Seeing how this poor connection to feelings and motivations can lead to such disasterous and global effects, it is important for everyone to take care of themselves so the are aware of what they truly need. Taking care of ourselves is vital, not only to our own sense of self worth but to have the space to help others or help clean up the earth. Without necessary rest, nutrition, social interaction, and love we may be alive but we are not thriving.

Lastly, I want to note that those who that have limited access to food, transportation, and housing are hindered in their ability to change their lifestyle in order to impact the world and possibly it feels even more impossible to do anything to make a change. For instance if you live in a food desert, you can only eat what is available to you. Poverty is another result of the exploitation and corruption I am speaking of, and it is also something that must be addressed in order for the human race to live sustainably and humanely. Lastly, whereever possible, we must make better choices for how we live and what we consume. It takes courage to change, but I like to think of this Maya Angelou quote when I feel daunted:

One isn't necessarily born with courage, but one is born with potential. Without courage, we cannot practice any other virtue with consistency. We can't be kind, true, merciful, generous, or honest. The thing to do, it seems to me, is to prepare yourself so you can be a rainbow in somebody else's cloud.

Maternity Leave May to August 2019

I have not posted in very long time, and this is due to being pregnant. This change in my life has been very welcome, but has also meant making significant changes in my career and personal life. It has been particularly bittersweet, as I have had to close my office in Brooklyn, NY and say goodbye to many clients. I have been touched by the generosity and kindness from these clients, and I appreciate each and every session we have had together. Besides goodbye and good luck, the only other words I have are THANK YOU: Thank you for showing up, being who you are, doing difficult work, and making courageous changes.

To a very kind client, thank you for your permission to use this beautiful note.

Now that I am exclusively working in Stroudsburg PA, I would like to make note that I will be out of the office from May 8, 2019 until August 6, 2019. I will be responding to emails and phone calls during this time, but please allow a few days response time. Thank you in advance for your patience and consideration.

Working with Dreams

One of the behaviors I encourage in all of my clients is to develop trust in themselves. Using ones intuition, developing an understanding of the origion of our beliefs, and honoring ones truth are all major components to developing our internal compass. Dreams are another tool for the purpose of self study.  Dreams communicate in a language that is highly meaningful to our personal story, as well as the collective beliefs of our society. Marie-Louise von Franz, a Jungian psychologist, wrote of dreams and fantasies are “(the) objective living manifestation which comes from the depth of the psyche and can be studied, and which restores eyesight. If you can understand the secret hints which are contained in a dream, your eyes are opened and you rediscover life and find it on a new level”.

Personally, dreams are one of my favorite parts of the human experience. To me, they are incredibly special and deeply meaningful, but also serve a variety of purposes. I am aware that some believe dreams are the result of REM sleep and are solely projection of random images (once I heard it described as “taking out the trash”). I am not one of those folks. Of course I have had dreams where it is clear the dream is a result of a movie I watched before bed or because I ran into someone earlier that day, but I do not believe that dream meanings are products of shallow exchanges alone. Each individual can discern what is meaningful and what is not, and I urge you not to minimize or dismiss these impressions.

Often times we come to therapy to reclaim a sense of understanding that has been lost or muddled, as well as to initiate change in our lives.  Ideally, the development of this self understanding leads to what most therapy clients experience as an “Ah-Ha” moment while in treatment. Dreams also can provide this level of insight with alacrity, making the therapy process seem like local roads whereas dreams are the superhighway. Also, dreams can be beautiful and disorienting, transport us to different places and time, change our age, and/or feel endless even though they have only lasted minutes. The paradox of dreams is that they are communicating with symbols that are derived from ourselves, yet compiled in such a way that we sometimes have trouble understanding our own messages. In the next few paragraphs I will briefly outline ways to increase the understanding of your dreams. If you enjoy this practice I encourage you to continue your study, and there are many books out there to hone your dream deciphering abilities. One that is accessible and helpful is The Dream Game by Ann Faraday. Also, reading Carl Jung’s work on dreams is essential for deeper study.

To start, if you don’t already, write out your dreams as soon as you wake up. Try to add as much detail as you can recall, and also include the feeling that the dream brings you. For instance, perhaps you had a fairly mundane dream: for example, grocery shopping at your local market. Yet, you wake feeling uneasy or nervous, or even felt tense and scared while grocery shopping in the dream.  Make note of these feelings as it is not only setting the tone of your experience, but it is the theme of whatever message your dream is communicating.

The next step is looking at prominent images and writing out their meaning, almost as if you were telling a complete stranger about something they have never heard before. Using the grocery shopping dream example, let’s say you dreamed that were trying to buy oranges but they were not in the place they are usually kept, and you eventually find them in the freezer section. For this dream, I would want to understand what oranges and freezer represent to the dreamer. To me, oranges are a sweet fruit that I associate with health (lots of vitamin C) and mornings, whereas freezers represent not only cold but a place where we store things to make them last yet life is frozen/at a standstill. To others,oranges may remind them of their home, could remind them of Florida, oranges could be a fruit they dislike, that they have seeds, or that they are a common fruit. Freezers may have the association of technology, ice, storage, and more.

The more we can understand our associations to the images, the more helpful it will be to our self understanding. Dream symbols can be mixed up or hard to decipher, or we dream of something we have little personal relationship with. At these moments, referring to dream-symbol books are helpful as they can give suggestions about what our minds are showing us, and offer interpretations based on collective unconscious symbols. Yet, I stress listening to what the dream image means to you, as that will be the better teacher. For instance, I had a friend who had a missing tooth and was highly self conscious about it. Although she had rectified the issue in her life, she would have anxiety dreams about losing her teeth. In most dream books, losing teeth often signifies change/growth. For her, this could be applicable but the prevalent association was of shame/embarrassment as that was more closely related to her experience.

If you feel stuck or are having trouble understanding what the dream means, talking it out with another trusted person is another helpful tool. If what these individuals bring does not sit well with you, I would discard whatever interpretation they offer. Lastly, pay attention to any repetitive dreams or themes in dreams that recur overtime. Any repetitive experience is showing us that we have yet to understand something, are holding on to something, or are still processing the effect of a certain asepct of our lives. There is no one interpretation, and only we know what is the right one for each of us.

Happy Dreaming!

Me Too

As a proponent of the #MeToo movement, I decided to share this article as a great example of changing the narrative of abuse through sharing your story.  Also, Diaz aptly articulates the shame that comes from sexual abuse, harassment, and violence.  In addition to describing his own story and how the abuse permeated all corners of his life as much as he attempted to run from it, he also discusses the process of therapy as arduous yet helpful.  I think it is important for us to understand that in healing from trauma of all kinds, therapy is a part of this path and it is not always easy. 

Sometimes we (myself included) have a picture that in therapy we come, share our stories, and after feeling that sense of relief we are all set to move forward.  While the unburdening that comes from voicing your feelings is liberating and undoubtedly helpful, the truth is there are many layers to how our traumas/experiences effect our lives and it takes time and effort to be fully honest and vulnerable.  In addition to the opening-up process, we then need to make whatever changes are necessary to lead the kind of lives we wish for.  Each person is different, and it is important to stay honest and compassionate with yourself during this process.

I think Junot Diaz does a fantastic job in this article (I recommend his other work too), and I hope it is helpful to the readers of this blog.

Psychodynamic Psychotherapy

In the past few months I have been thinking about the method in which I practice with clients, particularly as to whether I have been clear about the type of treatment I provide. 

Therefore in the coming months, I have decided to outline my primary methods of practice, in order to educate readers as well as clarify what kind of services I offer. As my Psychology Today profile and personal website show, I utilize many different techniques. However, as the foundation of my approach is psycho-dynamic psychotherapy, I will begin my first of many posts about treatment techniques with this method. 

Also, as it is a triggering time of year (the holidays), it seems appropriate to talk about the important role that our families play in a psycho-dynamic context, and how significant that impact can be!

I will borrow a general definition from Harry Guntrip to describe the essence of psycho-dynamic work:

“Psychodynamics is defined as the study of the motivated and meaningful life of human beings, as persons shaped in the media of personal relationships which constitute their lives and determine to so large an extent how their innate gifts and possibilities will develop and how, to use Donald Winnicott’s terms, the “motivational processes” develop in the “facilitating” or so often “un-facilitating environment” of the other important human beings.”

— Psychoalalytic Therory, Therapy, and the Self. 1971

I love this definition as it emphasizes that the purpose of the work is to understand the full person and to explore the ways in which their talents and abilities have and/or have not been allowed to flourish (due at least partially, to the impact of important human relationships). For most of us, these important relationships can be any people close to us including but not limited to our families (parents, siblings, close members of the extended family), friends, guidance counselors, teachers (academic and spiritual), as well as the community in which we were raised. Our connection to these individuals is constructive to the way we see ourselves, the way we see the world, and our position within it. As Tim Kreider so aptly writes, “What dooms our best efforts to cultivate empathy and compassion is always, of course, other people.” 

I highly reccommend this book!!

One of the tenets of psycho-dynamic psychotherapy is to become aware of our past story.  Through awareness we can reclaim this narrative, freeing ourselves of old ideas about ourselves and the world.  Our entrenchment in these narratives can hinder our functioning, and we can feel that we experience the same patterns repeatedly.  Our experiences have to be acknowledged, valued, evaluated, grieved- and then we can move forward.  Through this process, we can discern which aspects of our story are our responsibility to take ownership of, and which are the responsibility of others.  This cultivation of personal boundaries is undeniably an essential step in owning our experience, and leads to the feeling of being unencumbered by the past. 

Naturally, each client’s treatment is as unique and individual as their own existence. To further this point, even each session is unique and of special value. For example, exploring someone’s experiences, identifying different options for making a change, cultivating empathy and understanding, labeling emotions, providing conflict resolution techniques, general support and/or advice, and offering up alternatives to firmly held beliefs are just a few examples of different methods of interacting between the therapist and the client during a psycho-dynamic session. These dynamics can occur simultaneously in one session, or be spread throughout treatment at different times.  

This positive appraisal of the psycho-dynamic technique is, of course, not a recommendation of this method above all others. I have found this method of value and meaning to myself and my clients. Difference of experience amongst practitioners and participants is inevitable- our journeys diverge.  It is possible that I am motivated to write this post (as well as future posts) by my own wish to not let others in my professional and clinical circles down.  I hope to avoid this by presenting a clear picture of what I practice, and what they can expect. I think we commonly enter new experiences already laden with expectations and assumptions about what should be occurring.  When our expectations are not met, we often feel deflated, disappointed, or even happily surprised. 

It is a delicate balance to provide education without eradicating other ideas about how things could/should progress.  I believe that providing clarification about the methods I employ can help others know what to expect, even in a course of treatment where the path and end are, at times, vague and shifting.  Understanding the path is a near impossible feat, only truly understood in retrospect.

As always, if you have any questions or comments, feel free to let me know.  Looking forward to seeing you all in the New Year.  Happy Holidays!

Surrender

This past week, many of us have been shocked and appalled by the blatant hatred, anti-Semitism, racism, and violence that erupted in the past week in Charlottesville.  While trying to negotiate my own aversion to seeing these horrors, yet wanting to stay present and aware, I eventually happened upon this video.

The terrorist acts along with and the sadness and bewilderment of the protesters was so disheartening and deflating and filled me with immense sorrow.  Yet for me, one of the most striking elements from this video was the anger and rage that permeates through the white supremacist protesters, as well as an excitement to be able to have an outlet for their immense dissatisfaction in this country, and their blame of others for their troubles.  Not that this is surprising, but I also sensed that they felt highly threatened, and ready to fight against losing whatever they feel they should possess.

I imagine that this fear is the fear of loss of power, title, or privilege.  Later in the week, I found the same feelings arise when I read about those who felt that the removal of confederate monuments and statues was a loss of history or depriving them of their culture/ southern-pride.

I assume that along with the fear of loss there is a fear of their own disillusionment.  It is hard to accept that we are not right, it is hard to apologize, or that even if everything is resisting change it may in fact be better for all to make a change.  We may not even want to go through the work of changing ourselves as a part of us knows that it is going to be painful to face our embarrassment and shame about our previous behavior.  Therefore, I felt that surrender was an appropriate title to this post.

Sometimes, we must surrender to the reality of the situation and let go of our expectations or fantasies about what would or should be.  We need to make space within ourselves to allow for any progression or change.  Even though I mostly provide care through individual counseling and coach clients on making themselves a priority/taking themselves seriously, there are times when we must let go of certain things that we may be intimately connected to but are harmful.  In all honesty, in my own life I have found that surrendering to the truth can be freeing.  This kind of surrender allows us to relax, making it possible to think clearer and divert our energies toward other people and situations in different ways then we could have imagined.   

I am trying to avoid making this sound like a lecture, but I truly believe that if others that have racist, homophobic, transphobic, xenophobic, anti-Semitic, and misogynistic views of others it is time to LET IT GO.  I believe that deep down we all want a better world for ourselves and the people that we love, and hate stalls any effort for us to collaborate and heal ourselves and each other, not to mention the planet.

Ruminations on Change

“The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances. If there is any reaction, both are transformed.” -Carl Jung

For me, change is usually a conflictual time.  I simultaneously feel a significant need to grow, as well as a great apprehension/anxiety that things may not “work out”.  I put “working out” in quotes because the idea of not working out is so vague and is usually just a repetitive phrase that is a manifestation of my fear of change.  The momentum of my life is almost always met by the resistance to change, and at times I am not sure how to take this resistance.  Is it telling me to be wary and careful because I am being to brash in my decision making?  Or, is it just an example of Newton’s third law (every action has an equal and opposing reaction)?  Maybe, those reading this can identify with this struggle.

These periods of procrastination yield a lot of uncertainty, which in turn creates tension and internal strife.  Yet, eventually, the change occurs. I’ve even found that the action chosen is often the first option I considered, but my resistance to them just delays the implementation of the change.  Later, I often lament the fact that it took so long, but I am starting to accept that this is just my process.  As I am writing this, I can see that I seek to be more comfortable with change, flexibility, and balance for myself as well as in my work with my clients.

Deciding to focus on change in this blog post was prompted by my observations in the last few months many of my clients are experiencing significant personal growth and therefore making changes in their own lives.  Remembering the early difficulties that brought them to into psychotherapy treatment, and then seeing them transition before my eyes fills me with emotion.  I feel a mixture of joy, relief, and a slight bittersweet-sadness that this may signify the beginning of the end to our meetings.  To be clear, development in a client does not necessarily mean that this is the end of treatment, it is just one possibility.  Often, just the focus of treatment or the type of approach used in treatment is altered to meet the shifting needs of the client.

Ultimately the goal of therapy is to help others understand their process, and often this involves getting an understanding of what needs to change for that individual to lead a fulfilling life.  In addition, fostering a sense of self will yield the confidence and assurance to make changes in their lives, presently and in the future.  What constitutes a fulfilling life, as well as what changes need to be made, are unique to each individual.  

For instance, some enjoy the space of therapy to help process what they experience (without articulating specific goals hence the sessions can go on indefinitely), while others wish for a time limited experience to set and achieve goals.  I can understand both wishes, and I seek to be flexible enough to provide the appropriate space based on who is in front of me.  It has been interesting to discover that as others change I also need to change along with them, modifying my approach and each of our goals.  Maintaining balance while also making changes is a delicate process, and I am learning to foster a better understanding of this practice.

For me, time has always deepened my care and connection to all those I encounter (in my work and elsewhere) but only in therapeutic relationship is there the understanding that the relationship ends once all goals are met despite the intimacy that develops from getting to know another person.  There is something so counter-intuitive about this to me, but being presently faced with this scenario has shown me that learning how to modify the interactions in the therapeutic relationship is a constant negotiation and awareness to be cultivated and discussed between myself and the client.  Also, being able to let go and be OK with saying goodbye while honoring the closeness of the relationship is imperative.

As my clients learn, I learn, and I imagine it is the opposite as well.  This co-learning is probably the most treasured part of my work.  It has pushed me to be flexible and to appreciate that finding balance alone or between two or more individuals is a continual process, and is never static.  It makes the work endlessly interesting and pushes me to keep open, even though the vulnerability can feel risky at times.  I find myself wishing to thank my clients over and over for their own hard work.  Not only is it beautiful to see, but I deeply believe that each of our personal work has ramifications for others and hopefully society as a whole.

Importance of Vulnerabilty

For the past few weeks I have been listening to Brene Brown's "The Power of Vulnerability" and it has been incredibly helpful for me in my own life as well as my professional life.   I have posted a clip above to give an idea of her approach, but I highly recommend listening to the whole TED TALK if you have time.   It is easy to understand and follow, as she is very funny and relatable.  I am sharing it on the blog because I wanted to reference how her research is highly applicable to the process of psychotherapy.

Personally, I feel that psychotherapy is a very courageous endeavor to begin, as it requires a lot of strength to allow yourself to open up to another and share your story.  Also, sometimes, we may not understand or like what we see or remember, and that can create the impulse to close-up, even if it is a very pivotal time or an important event to share.  It is interesting because in one way I think we all wish to be heard and seen, but the process of allowing it can be so difficult and trying.  Dr. Brown discusses that another person has to earn the right to be opened up to, for one to feel comfortable sharing their story with them.

I can completely relate to this in my own life, and it also makes me feel that the psychotherapy room is a sacred space, and I feel so privileged and grateful to be able to share that space with many others in my work.  I think it is also important for us to think about conditions need to be in place before we share, and how others can show us that they have earned our trust.  Also, it may be helpful to examine moments where we closed to vulnerability, and what feelings or experiences prompted this closing.

Lastly, as she says in the above video, although vulnerability is associated with negative emotion, it is also the birthplace for creativity and joy.  Toward the end of the full lecture, she also discusses how she started off as a shame researcher but then became interested in joy and resiliency research.  She also notes that she admired the work of another researcher, who began studying violence but later he changed to researching play due to the finding that incredibly violent offenders were often raised in households where they were not allowed to play.  The seeming dichotomy in research focus interested me, because often we are first pulled to examine what is negative or wrong in our lives with the motivation to "fix" it, yet later we often find that these difficulties are also the birthplace of very positive and life sustaining qualities.

Really great stuff!  Any comments or thoughts are encouraged.  Thanks again!

No more blaming the victim!

http://www.nytimes.com/2016/06/26/opinion/sunday/who-blames-the-victim.html?_r=0

In my work in psychotherapy, I have found that the feelings that are most associated with mental health barriers are guilt and shame.  Learning to accept oneself completely is an ongoing practice that can take a lot of introspection, reflection, and hard work.  More reflection on this topic can be seen in an earlier post for relinquishing shame.  I think what makes the work of self acceptance doubly hard, is that we can be quick to blame ourselves in our attempt to make sense of what has occurred 

Earlier this week I came across the article (see link above), which discusses different studies that found evidence for which beliefs/values lead to victim-blaming.  "Loyalty, obedience, and purity" are beliefs that are termed "binding values", as they promote group cohesion.  The studies found that those that identify with these beliefs are more apt to blame a victim, and to see them as "contaminated" following a crime.  

For me, I also felt that these findings were applicable to why victims can also blame themselves.  For instance, when a child is abused or neglected by their parent, they often blame themselves on some level for the abuse.  This occurs because children are naturally self centered (as they should be in their developmental stage), but also as a means to continue to attach to and bond with their caregivers.  They identify with the role ("you're bad") that has been given to them by their parents and see themselves as to blame.   At the same time, I think our individual selves (the part that is wholly our own) can feel that this mistreatment is deeply hurtful and confusing.  This conflict between feeling like you are to blame while simultaneously rejecting that blame, leads to great internal strife in a child, and into adulthood.

In addition to it's pertinence in Attachment Theory, I also feel the article is relevant for the current issue of violence toward people of color from police all over the United States. I feel that the creation of a threat (which I see as blaming the victim), can propagate violence toward a particular group of individuals.  This was seen in WWII from the Nazi party toward Jewish people, and I feel that in our country there is an unjust fear and mistrust toward persons of color.  The "purity and loyalty" values that I am sure members of the police feel toward one another may allow for a continued justification of their actions.

Whichever level of you look at it, the article is a thought provoking and quick read.  It helps to show that by valuing the individual, care and happiness can promote more understanding of one another.  I hope that you find this article as helpful as I did!

Love is love

The events in Orlando FL have shocked and effected millions of people across the world.  The media is a blaze with justifications of why this occurred: mental health, religion, homophobia, gun control.  It is dizzying and disheartening trying to filter all these possible explanations, as I feel (and I am sure others feel) compelled to seek out the true reason.  In the wake of horrifying crimes, all we can do is try to understand what we have just witnessed.

As I was leaving work yesterday, I heard crowds in the West Village roaring in unison.  In spite of my deep sadness at the immense loss of life at PULSE, all I could feel was strength, unity, and love in the words shouted.  I feel deeply disturbed when such killings occur, and they have become rampant in the United States, but violence and hate is a worldwide epidemic.

Although death is inevitable, it is so hard to accept when it occurs in such a wasteful and hateful fashion.  These kinds of events need to be discussed and should not be tolerated.  Yet, as members of the human race, I feel that we have to be accepting and loving to all living beings.  It makes the processing of such events complex and take time.

I hope that we all find the time to reflect and mourn the loss of those who have perished, and find our own resolve to live in a way that can lovingly influence those around us.

What inspires you?

How can we stay positive and persevere through difficult times?  I think its important for all of us to stay connected to those things that lift us up, as this is what protects us and gives shelter.  For me, music is a great way to elevate mood, inspire, and feel solace.  Nina Simone is one of my favorites, hence the above video.  What inspires you?

Mindfulness Practice

Although I have continued to keep my meditation practice in the past week, I was not able to post on the blog weekly as I had initially wanted. I felt a lot of regret for not posting, and then some avoidance each time I thought about what to write.  I felt anxiety about revealing more about myself, but I also wanted to provide something new to the audience, and was not sure what would be the most helpful.

"...once we get a little derailed due to a change, we feel bad about it and are less likely to get back on track." (Babatua, Zen Habits: Mastering the Art of Change, pg.99)

After reading the above passage, I was inspired to practice what I preach, and try to work through the negative feelings that were delaying my posting.  Below is a link to a meditation from Jack Kornfield, who is one of my favorites.  It is called "Developing a Healing Attention", and I chose it because it is what I feel is one of the best things we can give to ourselves daily (for free!).

I also aim to cultivate this kind of attention in each of my clients as they move through the psychotherapy process.  By that, I mean that the process of self discovery includes looking at different aspects of ourselves, but this should be done with loving kindness, not with a critical eye.  Even holding our own negative thoughts can be a challenge, but it is important to see how we think about ourselves and others, and how those thoughts effect our actions.

https://jackkornfield.com/developing-healing-attention/