“The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances. If there is any reaction, both are transformed.” -Carl Jung
For me, change is usually a conflictual time. I simultaneously feel a significant need to grow, as well as a great apprehension/anxiety that things may not “work out”. I put “working out” in quotes because the idea of not working out is so vague and is usually just a repetitive phrase that is a manifestation of my fear of change. The momentum of my life is almost always met by the resistance to change, and at times I am not sure how to take this resistance. Is it telling me to be wary and careful because I am being to brash in my decision making? Or, is it just an example of Newton’s third law (every action has an equal and opposing reaction)? Maybe, those reading this can identify with this struggle.
These periods of procrastination yield a lot of uncertainty, which in turn creates tension and internal strife. Yet, eventually, the change occurs. I’ve even found that the action chosen is often the first option I considered, but my resistance to them just delays the implementation of the change. Later, I often lament the fact that it took so long, but I am starting to accept that this is just my process. As I am writing this, I can see that I seek to be more comfortable with change, flexibility, and balance for myself as well as in my work with my clients.
Deciding to focus on change in this blog post was prompted by my observations in the last few months many of my clients are experiencing significant personal growth and therefore making changes in their own lives. Remembering the early difficulties that brought them to into psychotherapy treatment, and then seeing them transition before my eyes fills me with emotion. I feel a mixture of joy, relief, and a slight bittersweet-sadness that this may signify the beginning of the end to our meetings. To be clear, development in a client does not necessarily mean that this is the end of treatment, it is just one possibility. Often, just the focus of treatment or the type of approach used in treatment is altered to meet the shifting needs of the client.
Ultimately the goal of therapy is to help others understand their process, and often this involves getting an understanding of what needs to change for that individual to lead a fulfilling life. In addition, fostering a sense of self will yield the confidence and assurance to make changes in their lives, presently and in the future. What constitutes a fulfilling life, as well as what changes need to be made, are unique to each individual.
For instance, some enjoy the space of therapy to help process what they experience (without articulating specific goals hence the sessions can go on indefinitely), while others wish for a time limited experience to set and achieve goals. I can understand both wishes, and I seek to be flexible enough to provide the appropriate space based on who is in front of me. It has been interesting to discover that as others change I also need to change along with them, modifying my approach and each of our goals. Maintaining balance while also making changes is a delicate process, and I am learning to foster a better understanding of this practice.
For me, time has always deepened my care and connection to all those I encounter (in my work and elsewhere) but only in therapeutic relationship is there the understanding that the relationship ends once all goals are met despite the intimacy that develops from getting to know another person. There is something so counter-intuitive about this to me, but being presently faced with this scenario has shown me that learning how to modify the interactions in the therapeutic relationship is a constant negotiation and awareness to be cultivated and discussed between myself and the client. Also, being able to let go and be OK with saying goodbye while honoring the closeness of the relationship is imperative.
As my clients learn, I learn, and I imagine it is the opposite as well. This co-learning is probably the most treasured part of my work. It has pushed me to be flexible and to appreciate that finding balance alone or between two or more individuals is a continual process, and is never static. It makes the work endlessly interesting and pushes me to keep open, even though the vulnerability can feel risky at times. I find myself wishing to thank my clients over and over for their own hard work. Not only is it beautiful to see, but I deeply believe that each of our personal work has ramifications for others and hopefully society as a whole.